Time Keeps On Ticking...

Seems like the time has just flown by these last few months. I've had a lot of changes going on: new job, going back to school for the first time in 11 years, and being pregnant. Now two of these things, at least, are about to change again. This semester is drawing to a close, and I'm over half way done with my pregnancy. I have to say I am both excited and nervous about what the future holds. I'm so glad this semester is almost over! I am really over all my classes. Blogging is on my last nerve. I am so sick of doing math homework when I know I will rarely, if ever, use any of this stuff again. Studying my ass off for biology will not be missed. And, study skills class seems like it might be useful for a kid just getting out of high school who has no clue what life is all about, but not for me. I just took my TEAS and know I could have done so much better if I'd had more time to study and prepare. (And in just a few months I'll have a baby to care for! Yikes!). Working a full time job and going to school is harder than I thought it would be. (Can't I just win the lottery already?). It all comes down to TIME. Sometimes it seems there just isn't enough of it. Maybe there just isn't enough of me to go around.

Pregnancy Cravings

Everyone keeps asking me if I've been having any weird pregnancy cravings yet. I don't really like oranges, but I've been wanting those lately. I never drink coffee, but I've been craving coffee icecream, mochas, and frapaccino's (all of which are probably really bad for me right now). My pregnancy, so far anyway, has been really uneventful. Nothing weird or crazy has happened. I wasn't too terribly sick. And, I have not had any weird pregnancy cravings...unless you can count tattoos as a craving. I really, really, really want to get my arm finished. Alas, I am told by my bros, the tattoo guys, that getting tattooed while pregnant is frowned upon. And, to top it off, getting tattooed while nursing is also a big no-no. Sigh. That means I have a lot of months to wait to get my next tattoo. This does not make me happy. Guess I'll just keep craving it until then...

Stuffed Turkey

With Thanksgiving over and done, I feel like a stuffed turkey. I am now officially 6 months pregnant and easily used this as my excuse for eating like a line backer this holiday. I always cook enough to feed an army. I have no idea why I do this, but it's especially handy during Thanksgiving. It allows for never ending left overs! There was just four of us this year, but I made enough food to last for a few days. That way, I had to exert all the effort in one day of cooking, but I got to enjoy several days of eating without having any work to do! Now that takes planning. The only thing that would have made this particular holiday better would have been not having to worry about doing any school work or studying. I had the week off from work, but with preparations for the food and doing school crap, it really felt as if I had no break. Sigh, maybe by not doing anything for Christmas this year, I can acutally relax and enjoy my time off before the baby comes. This girl needs her sleep. And pie.

Who Put the X in Xmas?

As the holidays approach I only have one thing to say, bah humbug! Seeing folks put up Christmas lights before Thanksgiving really irritates me. It seems like the last few Christmases have been filled with more dread than excitement. I tried to get excited about it last year. Despite putting up the tree and other decorations, cooking a nice meal to spend with my small family, and opening the few gifts we managed to get for each other, it still felt forced. Maybe it's because I am getting older and Christmas doesn't hold the wonder and excitement it did while I was a kid. I suspect this is my last year to allow myself to feel this way. Next year I will have a small child of my own to buy gifts for and to get excited about. I hope I will feel differently by then. I think it's just the idea of Christmas, in all it's retail glory, that puts me off. Not being a religious person probably doesn't help matters either. Perhaps next year I'll feel more ho, ho, ho, than oh no.

Essay Blog Post

In Sherman Alexie's What Sacagawea Means to Me, he begins writing using a sarcastic tone about the nature of life and how everyone, "regardless of race, religion, gender, and age", at some point in their life will get to be like Sacagawea in some way. What he means by the examples he gives in his first paragraph - being kidnapped as a child, sold and forced to marry, march alongside two strange men and lead them on their expedition, and all you get is a stinking shirt for your trouble - is that life is a journey that is sometimes unexpected and certainly unpredictable. You are raised by your parents standards, you go to school as expected, get a job as you are typically forced to do in order to pay bills and support yourself, marry and have children, complete this long journey that is life, and then you die. The dying part is the t-shirt you get for your troubles. So, no matter who you are, where you come from, this is life's journey for you. Noone is exempt.
Alexie discusses, with a sense of irony, that Sacagawea is a contradiction, like so many other Americans - Miles Davis, a famous musician and descendent of slaves, Emily Dickinson writing poetry while Crazy Horse was attacking Custer, Ted Bundy, a respectable, handsome serial killer. She should have hated and rebelled against these white men. In fact, she died from a mysterious illness obtained by the very people who had basically enslaved her and whom she helped. Just as Sacagawea was destroyed by this illness, so were so many other lives by the colonization and settling of America that she had a small hand in. She is a contradiction. He mentions that she is no hero, and the reason is that, forced or not, she did participate in forever changing Native American lives - but, she is not the only one. Many individuals, black, white, Native American, and even canine, participated in this journey that forever changed America. Life is full of contradictions just like Sacagawea's.
Alexie's tone shifts throughout the essay, and he ends in a somewhat bitter tone. He says, "I want to hate this country and its contradictions", but he cannot because, simply put, he exists because of them. Perhaps we all do. 

Identity

I am a white, lower middle class female. I have been all of these things for most of my life. I am going to school in hopes to do better for myself and my family than I've always done. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy life. I don't want to work my fingers to the bone until I'm 70 and still barely able to retire like my grandmother who raised me.
I am also an independent, Type A planner and list maker. Friends tease me about my lists. It's difficult for me to be spontaneous. I prefer to work alone because I know things will get done the way I want them to, when I want them to get done. I don't rely on others if I can help it because I was raised to do things for myself. I was raised to be a strong woman.
I think the second option offers me more personal, emotional experiences to discuss how I became this why, whereas the first option was just the life I was born into and am trying to rise above.
And then there is a third aspect of my identity that anyone who is close to me knows me by: books. All 6 shelves of them (not including my e-books). If I could, I'd have more. I simply love books. I am a reader and a writer. Books are me.
I'm not entirely sure which direction I'd like to take with our second essay, or if any of these are even appropriate. I feel that all of these topics are a part of my identity, who I am. But are any of them enough on their own?

Being a Woman

In Sojourner Truth's essay Ain't I a Woman? she compares differences between men and woman, and in the process shows the reader that there aren't that many differences after all. She illustrates what men can do and just as quickly says she can do all of those things too even though she is a woman.
This essay was written during a time when woman weren't given equal rights as men. Sojourner was part of a movement that lasted - and is still ongoing to a certain extent - for decades. She was out to prove that just because a man did it, doesn't mean a woman can't do it just as good, or better. She even makes the point that Jesus didn't come from man. He came from God and a woman. So, if Eve "was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone", you men better watch out because us women are a force to be reckoned with.
I loved this essay because I agree wholeheartedly with it. I was raised by my grandmother who is an exceptionally strong individual. I am so gratful to have had, and still have, her influence in my life. Because of her I know that I can do anything a man can do and that I don't need to rely on anyone but myself to get things done. I am strong and independent, and I owe it all to a 4'10" woman.